> -----Original Message-----
> From: Nunnally, Skip [SMTP:SNunnally@Newport.com]
> Sent: Friday, January 22, 1999 10:14 AM
> To: Gerry Willburn (E-mail)
> Subject: FW: Tool Guide
>
>
>
>
> MECHANIC'S TOOL GUIDE
>
> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
> is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far
> from the object we are trying to hit.
>
> MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
> cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
> well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
>
> ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets
> in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great
> for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line
> that goes to the rear wheel.
>
> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
>
> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> principle. It transforms human energy intomotion, and the more
> you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
> becomes.
>
> VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
> available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat
> to the palm of your hand.
>
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
> flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for
> igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get
> the bearing race out of.
>
> WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
> motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16
> or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
>
> DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
> flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
> chest and flings your drink across the room, splattering it against
> that freshly painted part you were drying.
>
> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them
> somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also
> removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in
> about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."
>
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Morgan to the ground
> after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping
> the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
>
> EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a Morgan
> upward off a hydraulic jack.
>
> TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>
> PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another
> hydraulic floor jack.
>
> SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool
> for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your
> boot.
>
> E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt
> holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>
> TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease
> buildup.
>
> TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the
> tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten
> to disconnect.
>
> CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying
> tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on
> the end without the handle.
>
> BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric
> acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after
> determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you
> thought.
>
> AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>
> TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called
> a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine
> vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night.
> Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt
> light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells
> might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of
> the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
>
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
> paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
> as the name implies, to hollow out Phillips screw heads.
>
> AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
> power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
> travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
> bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds
> them off.
>
> PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
> bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>
> HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short
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