MG Goes Racing
01 April 2001
New Albion Times
As progress continues on the Lola-MG Lemans entry, MG Rover Group, Ltd.,
announced publicly that they have launched a development program to place a
two-car team on the Formula One grid for 2002. The announcement of the first
ever F-1 involvement for the venerable MG marque, released from company
headquarters at International House, Birmingham, England, earlier today,
caught most of the world motoring press off-guard.
The communiqui disclosed that, due to a dearth of actual experience with MG
automobiles and high speed driving events, the automotive group had sought
out and conscripted the technical support of a worldwide consortium of MG
enthusiasts, mostly from North America, the UK, and Australia. MG Rover
found the group on a popular Internet mailing list, and stated that, in an
attempt to gain continuity for the racing program, it had involved the
enthusiasts in secret development and testing over a period of several
months.
A senior member of the MG Listers (not to be confused with the Knobbly
Listers), who asked not to be identified, stated that the group members,
steeped in MG lore, had honed their technical prowess and high-performance
driving skills over many years of owning and operating the sporty little
British cars. They will form the core of the engineering section of the new
racing division.
The spokesperson admitted that the team's early efforts met a rocky start
when group members insisted on utilizing a de-tuned B-series engine as the
powerplant for the new MG-F1 program. They argued that this measure would
reduce the instance of wheelspin -- that bane to performance plaguing other
F-1 teams -- when exiting corners, and would thereby obviate the need for
expensive traction-control software. They preferred to keep their software
on their home and office computers. This problem was finally resolved when
one of the members demonstrated that by spending only US$3,000.00 to
$4,000.00 on the engine, its output could be boosted from the basic 95 HP to
103 or 104HP, well into the triple-digit range thought to be required for a
successful F-1 campaign. Incidentally, another member who demonstrated the
same power gains could be had for a tenth of the aforementioned cost was
rightly censured for being too cheap.
Trouble nearly struck again on the eve of an early test session when it was
found that one of the technicians had disconnected the driveshafts on the
racing machine after it was loaded aboard a lorry. The problem might not
have been noticed in time had the transporter driver not discovered that the
lorry driveshaft had also been disconnected, as were those of a number of
other vehicles in an adjoining car park. The driveshafts were all
re-connected and the testing session trip was made.
Because of the need for great secrecy during initial and ongoing technical
discussions, the group encrypted their e-mail messages to one another in
arcane and abstruse language. For example, a message thread purporting to
deal with house cats was actually a high-level treatise on variable valve
timing. Another coded set of communiquis mentioning deceased rock artist
Frank Zappa in reality dealt with exhaust tuning. Still another group of
messages that appeared to treat with beer and scotch whisky, turned out to
be
an in-depth analysis of fuel additives and lubricants.
The team was successful in coaxing former champion drivers Damon Hill and
Nigel Mansell out of retirement to handle the test driving. Both drivers
remarked on the "unexpected" level of horsepower. Possible starting drivers
for 2002 have not been named, but it was disclosed that, in an effort to
co-opt the current F-1 movement toward young drivers, the team was very
close to signing a fourteen-year-old boy from Shropshire for the number one
seat. A Shropshire Lad, as he is referred to in company documents, has no
prior driving experience other than occasional weekend go-kart rentals, but
he has some very impressive Nintendo scores, and his family once stopped for
ice cream at the Magic Midget in Abingdon-on-Thames on their way home from a
holiday to Romney Marsh.
You heard it here first.
DFD
///
/// mgs@autox.team.net mailing list
/// (If they are dupes, this trailer may also catch them.)
|