The examples may be indicative of PCs and Cars but I think better examples
would be as follows.
Help Line "How may I help you?
Customer "Ï have had this car for 5 years and I need new tyres but I
cannot
find any"
Help Line "Those tyres are no longer made - you need upgraded wheels"
Customer "How do I get an upgrade?"
Help Line "Go to dealer in your area and he will help"
Customer "How much will it cost and how will it effect my driving"
Help Line "About 20% of the cost of your car and you will not be able to
use the rear passenger doors, nor the left-hand side windows, and your
radio will only work when you are parked"'.
Help Line "How may I help you?"
Customer "I have bought a new car and everytime I turn the ignition key
the
hood opens and a sign pops up saying "DO YOU NEED OIL". Also when I make a
direction change the interior lights come on and the radio says " DO YOU
KNOW YOU COULD HAVE GONE TO THE RIGHT (OR LEFT) AS WELL?" How do I stop
these annoying events".
Help Line "Oh! That's quite easy. Open your trunk and climb into the huge
cavity, which will be filled with various pieces of the vehicle, which you
never wanted, or will ever use. Then slide through the space between the
back seats until your eyeball is resting on the gearshift knob. Take a
screwdriver from the left-hand pocket in the rear seat. If you cannot
reach it call your nearest GM agent and ask for GM part number AST UPI
D1000 Version 24B. This will allow you to reach the pocket. With the
screw driver make the appropriate adjustments. Goodbye and thank you for
calling GM".
Help Line ''How may I help you"
Customer "I have just bought a new GM car and it doesn't start like my
old
one, neither will it run on the same gas. The suitcases I used to use do
not fit in this new trunk and the shift has been changed to the roof. Not
only that but it will not turn left anymore and the sunroof is painted
black. Also the standard fitted "'Accessory Rack"' prevents it going in
our garage
Help Line "So please explain your problem"
As an aside, why do all application programs HAVE to look the same with the
same menu bar. I mean does the dash of an MG look like a lawn mower, or a
steam engine, or the Concord? Does the hammer have the same handle as pliers?
At 06:23 PM 4/1/00 EST, you wrote:
>
>General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to
>drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if
>they did....
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
>Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
>
>HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
>
>Customer: "What's an ignition?"
>
>HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
>turns over the engine."
>
>Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all
>these technical terms just to use my car?"
>
>---------------------------
>
>HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
>Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
>
>HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
>
>Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
>
>HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
>markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
>
>Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
>
>HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some
>more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it
>for you."
>
>Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to
>keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built
>in!"
>
>---------------------------
>
>HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
>Customer: "Your cars suck!"
>
>HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
>
>Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
>
>HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
>
>Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
>way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't
>start now!
>
>HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
>expect us to do about it?"
>
>Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash
>any more!"
>
>---------------------------
>
>HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
>
>Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
>has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and
>power door locks."
>
>HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
>
>Customer: "How do I work it?"
>
>HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
>
>Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
>
>HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
>
>Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"
>
>
Regards
Barrie Robinson
barrier@bconnex.net
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