EuroEnglish
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for European communications, rather than
German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,
Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement and has
accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish
(Euro for short). In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the
soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear
up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like
'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of
the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the
languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil
be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'W' by 'V'. During ze fifz year, ze
unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar
changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis
fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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