A contest was held for people to submit their theories on ANY subject.
Below are the winners:
4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory): If an infinite number of
rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite
number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they
will eventually produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille.
3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics): Why Yawning Is Contagious: You
yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people+s ear pressures, so they
then yawn to even it out.
2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject:Symbolic Logic):Communist China is
technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and
therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a
faster rate.
1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics): The earth may spin faster
on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater+s rate of spin
increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of
tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
** HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics): The quantity of consonants
in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn
up in another. When a Bostonian -pahks his cah,- the lost R+s migrate
southwest, causing a Texan to warsh- his car and invest in -erl- wells.
GRAND PRIZE WINNER (and to prove this is On Topic) (Subject: Perpetual
Motion): When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when
toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to
strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred
tethered cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover,
spinning inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast-cat
array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
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