On Thursday, 8 October 1998 at 12:05p, Bill Spohn wrote:
"... how many ... have had their spouse as long or longer than ... their
cars?"
My current LBC (Miss Molly, the '79 Midget) I've had longer than all my
former relationships. In fact, I've had Molly longer than the current
SO. Fortunately, the SO is an extraordinarily reasonable person and
seems to understand and appreciate my love aff... errr, interest with
LBC's.
Reasoning for keeping vehicles longer?
LBCs don't care if you forget an anniversary.
If there's a problem, you can always find out what the cause is, the
cause makes sense, and it can always be cured.
Therapy without having to talk.
You can go for a ride any damn time you please, and the LBC will never
say "NO!"
LBCs don't get headaches.
LBCs don't care if you have other LBCs.
You worry about wet spots under your LBC.
You can can enjoy your LBC all month.
Grease and oil stains clean up easily.
You don't have to wine and dine your LBC.
Your LBC always waits patiently for you.
You can fix a flat on a LBC.
LBCs are never late.
A LBC doesn't get jealous when you buy another LBC.
LBC covers come off without a fight.
When you go to a LBC show, you know you can look at all the LBCs you
want.
After you've driven a LBC, it still has some salvage value.
You can have drive more than one LBC a night and not feel guilty.
Your friends can drive your LBC.
A rebuild lets them have that 'never-driven' feeling all over again.
LBCs don't demand equality.
You can have your LBC in public.
You can't catch anything from a LBC.
After you drive your LBC, you're committed to nothing other than filling
the tank, and maybe some tuning up.
LBCs don't cost near as much to maintain.
If your LBC leaves you, you can always get another one (insurance helps).
You rarely (if ever) find a tonneau cover on the shower curtain rod.
LBCs look the same in the morning.
LBCs don't look you up in a month.
LBCs don't worry about someone walking in.
LBCs don't worry about waking the kids.
LBCs don't get cramps.
LBCs don't have a mother.
LBCs don't have morals.
LBCs don't go crazy once a month.
LBCs always listen and never argue.
LBC covers don't go out of style every year.
LBCs don't whine, unless being accelerated.
LBCs don't have cold hands/feet.
LBCs don't demand legality. Some encourage the opposite.
LBCs are rarely overweight.
If you change LBCs, you don't have to pay alimony or child support.
LBCs won't run off with your credit LBCds (but may run them up).
LBCs don't have a lawyer.
LBCs don't need much closet space. Heck, they're happy in the garage or
drvieway.
LBCs don't complain about the way you drive.
LBCs don't mind if you develop intermittent gas.
LBCs never change their mind.
LBCs don't tease you or play hard to get.
LBCs never ask you to change the station.
LBCs don't make you go shopping.
LBCs don't tell you to mow the grass.
LBCs don't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
LBCs don't pout or play games.
LBCs are easy to get into.
LBCs never complains when you take it somewhere.
LBCs don't need to go to the 'powder room' with other LBCs.
LBCs don't wear a bra (unless it's one you picked out).
LBCs don't mind getting dirty.
LBCs don't complain about insensitivity.
LBCs don't use up your toilet paper.
LBCs don't live with their mother.
LBCs don't blow you off.
LBCs don't care if you have no culture or manners.
LBCs don't bitch, yell, or cry.
LBCs don't mind football season.
LBCs won't make you go to church.
LBCs are more likely to know how to spell "LBCburetor" (or "LBCburettor")
than a woman.
LBCs don't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
LBCs will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the
babies are "cute".
If a LBC leaks all over the place, it's a comforting sort of thing for a
while.
LBCs will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of
"doberperson."
LBCs won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk
music on your favorite radio station.
LBCs won't claim that the Three Stooges are no-talent jerks.
LBCs won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat
up.
If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a LBC, it
won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
LBCs won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
LBCs won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an
unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of
the sky.
LBCs prefer standard transmissions.
LBCs are always ready to leave on time.
LBCs never fish for compliments.
If you pop the bonnet on an LBC just to look at it but then decide to
work on it, the LBC won't accuse you of "date rape".
An ice-cold LBC will nonetheless warm up to you.
LBCs won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the parts store.
LBCs won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for
the articles" (You *are* lying, but the LBC won't accuse you of it).
LBCs won't fill up with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse: "But I
saved a quarter!"
LBCs will *never* make you go to a Swedish movie.
LBCs will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5
on Saturday afternoons.
LBCs won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman"
instead of "Gene Hackperson".
LBCs won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes
like STP Oil Treatment.
When you're through with a LBC, the thought of another LBC doesn't make
you ill.
If you change LBCs, you don't have to pay alimony (and in some cases,
child support).
or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]
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