The following is all tongue-in-cheek... <G>
>Southern kids are apparently smarter than Yankees, too.
I suspect it was all the intelligence left behind during a trip to the
sea and the time spent sticking around to assist with a rebuilding
project....
>You Yankees get bit often because you think all animals think
>like dogs and should be treated as such...Dogs are for couches and
hunting
>critters. Critters are for the woods, you city types... sheesh...
Let's not lump the Midwest in there -- as good of hunting here as
anywhere. I've driven all over the South and Southwest. Beautiful
country (ok, so the idea of canoeing on any rivers down south makes me
nervous), and wonderful folks. I just happen to prefer my home state of
Iowa -- need some elbow room, though, so the more people that live
elsewhere, the better!
>We learn early what fast legs and guns are for.
Yup -- iffen the gun's a-pointin' at ya, ya take yer fast legs on outta
there....
Now for some equal opportunity funning (let's take a shot at some other
state):
You know you're from IOWA when...
1) during a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.
2) you are related to more than half the town.
3) you can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a
distance.
4) your car breaks down outside of town and news of it reaches back to
town before you do.
5) you don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and
weather.
6) your quarterback is hurt and you're hoping it's the first thing on
the 6 o'clock news.
7) there's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for
it.
8) the local gas station sells live bait.
9) you don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
10) you go to the State fair for your family vacation.
11) you get up at 5:30 a.m. and go down to the coffee shop.
12) you're on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
13) when little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.
14) you go to the river because it's almost like going to the ocean.
15) you have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.
16) all your radio preset buttons are country.
17) you try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town.
18) using the elevator involved a corn truck.
19) your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance
salesman.
20) you know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking
out an outfit.
21) you are walking knee-deep in snow.
22) you call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.
23) your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
24) you talk with a friend about some big event you are going to attend,
and by the end of the conversation you've decided you're both too broke
to go.
25) you know cow pies aren't made of beef.
26) your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle and pigs.
27) you wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's still light.
28) you consider a romantic evening driving through Hardees and renting
a hunting instructional video.
29) you want to buy manure.
30) you listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.
31) you can tell it's a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO.
32) your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.
33) you leave your snow tires on year-round.
34) you know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they
are still on the stalk.
35) you know the code names for everyone on the CB.
36) you pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.
37) you'll skip your cousin's funeral for the first day of deer season.
38) you can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.
39) you don't clean up the dog's mess because it's just fertilizer.
40) you wear your irrigation boots to church.
41) you know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the
Sunday drivers come out.
42) it takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across
town.
43) you can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart.
44) the meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with
him.
45) you consider a building a mall if it's bigger than the local
Wal-Mart.
AND YOU'RE DAMN PROUD OF IT!
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