Loved the off-topic Christmas messages. Here's one that made me laugh.
Best wishes for a happy and healthy holiday season.
Joseph
IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?
As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research =
help from that renowned scientific journal SPY Magazine (January, =
1990) =8B I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into =
Santa Claus.
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 =
species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of =
these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying =
reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT =
since Santa doesn=B9t (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish =
and Buddhist children, that reduces his workload to 15% of the total =
=8B 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an =
average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that=B9s 91.8 =
million homes. One presumes there=B9s at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to different =
time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels east to =
west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per =
second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good =
children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the =
sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the =
remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been =
left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on =
to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are =
evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be =
false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we =
are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 =
million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at =
least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that =
Santa=B9s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the =
speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made =
vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per =
second =8B a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. =
Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego =
set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting =
Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, =
conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting =
that =B3flying reindeer=B2 (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the =
normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need =
214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload =8B no even counting the =
sleigh =8B to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison =8B this is four =
times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous =
air resistance =8B this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion =
as spacecraft re-entering the Earth=B9s atmosphere. The lead pair of =
reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. =
Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, =
exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms =
in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 =
thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to =
centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound =
Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of =
his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion =8B if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas =
Eve, he=B9s dead now.
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