SUBJECT A Bit of Fun 11/25/96 10:24 AM
The following letter have absolutely nothing to do with classic cars, but
should give you a smile for a Monday morning. They are taken from an actual
incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up
submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times!
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of
soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized
Dial. Please
remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf
under the
medicine chest and another three in the shower soap
dish. They
are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back
tomorrow, Thursday,
from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the
shower soap
dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took
out of your
way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case
you should
change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left
today which my
instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps
daily.
I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid -
I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to
her concerning the
little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this
evening I found
you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my
medicine
cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two
weeks and have
brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6
little Camays
which are on the shelf. They are in my way when
shaving, brushing
teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel
soaps which
we are instructed by the management. I took the 6
soaps which were in
your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish
where your Dial
was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your
convenience. I
didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are
always placed
inside
the medicine
cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not
object to when
you
checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of
further
assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me
this morning that
you called him last evening and said you were
unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I
hope you will
accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If
you have any
future
complaints please contact me so I can give it my
personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank
you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave
the hotel for
business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or
6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were
already off duty.
I
only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything
about those little
bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must
have thought I was a
new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of
hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3
bars on the
bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have
accumulated 24 little
bars
of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop
delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of
further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was
taken from my
room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last
night and had to
call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere
Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of
your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your
room since our
maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time
they service a
room. The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my
apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I
came in last
night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54
little bars
of
Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do
you realize I
have
54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial.
Please give
me
back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I
had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your
soap was missing
so
I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had
been taken and
the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I
don't know anything
about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your
maid, Kathy, did not
know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24
Camays plus the
3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea
this hotel issues
bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size
Ivory which I
left in
your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest
soap
inventory.
As of today I possess:
On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4
stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4
and 1 stack of
3.
On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere
Bouquet,
1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of
4.
Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of
4 and 1 stack
of
2.
In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet,
slightly used.
On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks
of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make
sure the stacks
are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her
that stacks of
more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that
my bedroom
window sill is not in use and will make an excellent
spot for future
soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased
another bar of
bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault
in order to
avoid
further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
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