To all you poor netizens with (real or imagined) smog woes:
It seems that the collective wisdom of the country, California being just
slightly more 'fashionable' than most places, is that removing old autos by
smog tests is a Good Thing. Laws will be written and legislators will
self-congratulate themselves for the helping of the public, and there you
have it. We'll have a lot of nasty smog laws, for a variety of reasons
(economic pressure from auto manufacturers included) and you may find
yourself not able, with any sort of tuning, to get your beloved LBC to pass
the tests (which, ultimately, will be designed so that only new cars can pass
them).
You've got a couple of workable options here, none of which includes writing
a (probably useless) letter to your congresscritter:
1) Sell your LBC, and buy a Miata. Sniffle every once in a while when you see
one on the road, hear 'God Save the Queen' or see the Union Flag. Eventually
you'll come to love your Miata, you'll forget LBC's altogether, you'll marvel
that you ever drove one of those noisy, smelly pollution-belching little
breakdown-machines, and you'll be happy you're one of the wise ones cruising
sedately by in your beautiful (insert colour here) trouble-free piece of
modern engineering.
2) Learn to accept the tenet that "laws are made for people who need them,
and I don't." Get past all the wonderful things they taught you in
kindergarten, and get used to the idea of being a scofflaw. This takes some
mental adjustments, but once you've made the transition, you'll never go
back. Screw the smog test. Any law made can be gotten round; all it takes is
to be a little smarter than the law enforcers. Big challenge there.
If you've ever put a different carb on your car, added headers, changed the
cam, put in a hotter coil, or tinkered with the emissions control system in
any way, good news! You're halfway there already. It violates a FEDERAL law
to monkey with your emissions system, and if you were happy to do it anyway,
you're well on your way to being a scofflaw first class. If all you can
muster for feelings is a vague discomfort at the idea of getting caught,
you're a regular outlaw in the same class with the average bank robber. If
you delight in the fact that you've once again foiled the minions of the EPA
and the Smog Cops, congratulations, you're an actual professional criminal,
welcome to the ranks.
Oh, how to get round those dreaded smog tests? I'll give you two freebies. I
assume that California has antique plates of some sort, and an antique
designation that requires no inspections. Well, get yourself some of those
plates! Register your car as an antique, and drive it to work every day
anyhow. Restriction on number of miles each year? Piffle. I assume that, if
you can work on your car's engine that well, you also know how to diddle your
odometer. If this bothers you, go back to option #1. The second idea is, do
the Alabama 12-Step Programme.
Alabama is a lovely state, really, and has very few laws regarding vehicles
(of any kind, really, but that's another story). Alabama has no state
inspection that I know of. They didn't when I lived there. They're also
rather blase about whether you actually live there or just say you live
there. Take a drive to Alabama. Get yourself a post office box there.
Register your car there. Pay taxes on it there! (You'd be amazed at how low
they are). Get yourself some attractive Alabama licence plates. Drive back to
California and don't worry about the smog tests any longer. You may decide
you want to visit your car's theoretical home from time to time. Vacation in
Alabama and congratulate yourself on how at home your car feels there.
Finally, give it all up and move to Alabama. It's a lovely state, really.
(Okay, that's only 8 steps, but math was never my strong suit.)
I hope this helps.
Corey
75 MGB 'Rags'
Virginia Registry (for now)
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