Hi Listers,
Pardon if this is off track but I think I discovered why new cars are
less fun than our MGs, it is because new cars have much more of this
element. Pardon also in advance if this offends because of someones
past or present carear.
E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving
it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction within its field range,
which like gravity is unlimited but whose intensity reduces by the
square of the distance from the original source. A minute amount of
Governmentium located within one football field of length away causes a
single event to take over four days to complete, when it would normally
take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This
characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons in a given location reach a
certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an
element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has
half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Ron Parkinson
'53 TD
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