> IN GENERAL
> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
> considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
>
> DINING OUT
> 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
slowly
> so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
> 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
> covering the label.
>
> ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> taxidermist.
> 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners
> are.
>
> PERSONAL HYGIENE
> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in
> private using one's OWN truck keys.
> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if
> you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
> 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to
> detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of her finger foods.
>
> DATING (Outside the Family)
> 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
out
> with you since I read that stuff on the fillin' station bathroom wall two
years
> ago."
> 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say
> 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
the
> man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
>
> THEATER ETIQUETTE
> 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after
> the movie has ended.
> 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they
> can't hear you.
>
> WEDDINGS
> 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> 2. Unless you are the groom, kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may
get
> you shot.
> 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a
> clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
> 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
>
> DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded, and
> the deer is in sight.
> 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always
> has the right of way.
> 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
ask
> her to bring back beer.
> 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession
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