HarleySqaw@aol.com wrote:
> If Santa answered his mail honestly...
>
> Dear Santa
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer
> Frend,
> BiLLy
>
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send
>
> you a freaking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your
> older
> brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
>
> Santa
> ----------
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
> joy in the world for everybody!
> Love,
> Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
> ----------
>
> Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
> and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
> Love,
> Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
> Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
> frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
> Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> Santa
> ----------
>
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
> reindeer outside the back door.
> Love,
> Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
> riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
> scotch.
> Santa
> ----------
>
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
> Your friend,
> Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
> most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
> myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing
> money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
> Santa
> ----------
>
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like
>
> in the song?
> Love,
> Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
> your house.
> Santa
> ----------
>
> Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
> could I have one?
> Timmy
>
> Timmy,
> That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
> work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
> Santa
> ----------
>
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love,
> Marky
>
> Mark,
> First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
> whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
>
> apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars
> do, through your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams,
> Santa
>
> (/`'7.8){f{)8.7'4/) HarleySqaw (/`'7.8){f{)8.7'4/)
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