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Humor...NO LSR

To: <land-speed@autox.team.net>
Subject: Humor...NO LSR
From: "Keith Turk" <kturk@ala.net>
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2001 10:42:31 -0600
HOW DO THESE IDIOTS SURVIVE!!!

HERE'S YOUR SIGN!

>Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
>have
>an order of
>6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.  I asked for a half dozen nuggets.  We
>don't
>have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter.  "You
>don't?" I
>replied.  "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.  So I
>can't
>order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"  "That's right." So I
>shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple
>of
>months ago...I was checking out at the local food store with just a few
>items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
>I
>picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register
>and
>placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.  After the girl
>
>had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all
>over for the bar code so she could scan it.  Not finding the bar code
>she
>said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've
>changed
>my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today".  She said "OK" and I paid
>her
>for the things and left.  She had no clue to what had just happened!
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
>pulling it out very quickly.  When asked as to what she was doing, she
>said
>she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
>number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  Do you
>need
>some help?" I asked.  She plied, "I knew I should have replaced the
>battery
>to this remote door unlocker.  Now I can't get into my car.  Do you
>think
>they (pointing to a distant convenient store)  would have a battery to
>fit
>this?"  Hmmm, I don't know.  Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.  "No,
>just
>this remote thingy,"  she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
>As
>I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
>
>drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>Several years ago, we had an!  Intern who was none too swift.  One day
>she
>was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing
>
>paper.  What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary
>told
>her.  With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of
>paper,
>put it in the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank"  copies.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
>
>into the garage.  The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair
>and
>the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister".  I asked
>the
>manager what had happened.
>He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in
>
>the back to make a sandwich.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>IDIOTS AT WORK...
>Sign in a gas station: Coke 49 cents.  Two for a $1.00.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the
>
>central office of a large bank.  Employees in the field called him when
>they have problems with their computers.  One night he got a call from a
>
>woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke
>coming from the back of my terminal.  Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the
>teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the
>year.

>My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping.  I
>explained
>to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of
>time.
>Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a
>metal
>colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
>machine.
>The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
>the
>copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
>
>Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.




Keith Turk 
Austin Healey 100, Bugeye, Box sprites, Bonneville Camaro ( Land Speed
Racer) 

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