BENEFITS OF GROWING OLDER
> -------------------------
> - In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
> - It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
> - Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
> - No one expects you to run into a burning building.
> - People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
> - People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
> - There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
> - Things you buy now won't wear out.
> - You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
> - You can eat dinner at 4:00
> - You can live without sex but not without glasses.
> - You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
> television.
> - You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
> - You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
> - You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
> - You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
> - You got cable for the weather channel.
> - You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
> - You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
> - You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
> room.
> - You send money to PBS.
> - You sing along with the elevator music.
> - You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
> - Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
> - Your back goes out more than you do.
> - Your ears are hairier than your head.
> - Your eyes won't get much worse.
> - Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
> - Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
> - Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them
> either.
> - Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
> - People send you this list ...
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