The next time you read through the employment classifieds, you'll notice
they are filled with rather nebulous phrases. Below is a brief lexicon to
help you decipher what they mean.
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our
competitors.
FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 55 hours a week; get paid for 40 .
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen; then try to
figure out what they want you to do.
ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you're fired.
CAREER-MINDED: We hired you to do one job. That 's your career; until you
are 70.
SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won't answer questions.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some over-time each night and some over-time each
weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around. Also, read the
last sentence of your job description. "...and any other duties that may be
required of you."
COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT: We have a lot of turnover.
POSITION REQUIRES MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER: There is no "job training"
program. We expect you to already know all there is to know about the job.
Also, you'll have wait 30 days for your first check.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up;
well, a couple of the real daring guys have nose and lip piercings and some
of the girls have rather large tattoos .
SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED: If we get in trouble, you'll be the one to
go on TV and lie to get us out of it.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to
replace the three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual
chaos.
COMPUTER SKILLS A MUST: If you know anything about computers, you're also
our new "IT specialist."
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