New threat announced!
NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and an electronic
calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious "Al-gebra Movement." He did
not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons
of math instruction. "'Al-gebra' is a problem for us," Gonzales said.
"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in search of absolute values .
"They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek
philanderer, Isosceles, used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given
us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent
or profound statement by the president.
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