Ireland Declares WAR on France .
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at
the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are
officially declaring war on ye!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me
Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the
pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is stil
on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor," answers
Paddy.
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and
5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000
since
we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boyos from
the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat "I must tell you,
Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are
surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last
spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac!
I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few jars of Guinness, and
decided there is no fooking way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
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