I was at the courthouse last week making the rounds with the local judge and
some my fellow irreverent members of the local bar. Somehow we all got on-line
and got a hundred or so lawyer jokes, some of which are the usual dumb, but a
few were pretty good. Here is the short list:
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers
hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one
of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
It takes 300,000 of them to make one human being.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the
road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have
the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
Another lawyer.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
His personality.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.
Why to judge brains sell for $2000 an ounce and lawyer brains sell for just
$100? It takes a 10 judges to get an ounce of brains.
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