Amici...
This is a Long Story for the FOT, but directed mostly at old farts who were
actually around in the mid-20th century. These are people who might actually
understand how the 'Smitty Flow Through' glasspac attempted to provide proof to
the local police that your car actually had a muffler back in the day. "See,
officer. There it is. That's my muffler." Newbees, who can't relate, might
want to hit their Delete Key now.
Back in 1957, when I was a senior in High School, my paternal Grandmother (God
Rest Her Soul), who was also my God-mother, had given me $350 as a graduation
present. $350 was the most money that I knew existed back then. I did not
know that my Grandmother had $350, much less that she might consider giving it
to me. And it was a good five months before I was scheduled to graduate. Talk
about opportunity based on an Act of Faith. Anyway, I took the money and I
bought a very,very used, but very nice looking 1951 Ford convertible. It was
powder blue, and had an extended rear deck and continental tire kit. I shaved
the front deck, added eye lids to the headlights, and blue dot lenses (illegal)
to the tail lights. I added fender skirts and I replaced the rag top's rear
window (several times). I also lowered the rear end about two inches (to a
point where that extended rear deck would drag on driveway ramps). Out on the
West Coast they were lowering the front ends. Here in the Midwest...we were
lowering the rear ends. But that car looked GOOD! It looked like a Classic
Lead Sled. It was fantastic, and in my pre-Triumph, Bebopper days, duck-tailed
Hollywood haircut...the whole nine yards. This is the car I used to court
Shirley Jean. Her long pony tail used to flop in the breeze as we tooled down
the street with the top down.
That's all the Good News about that car. There is some Bad News too. This
car had a Ford six cylinder engine and Fordamatic. It was so slow, that Roger
Bannister broke the four minute mile before it did. And it only broke the four
minute mile once, going down a steep hill. But that wimpy drive train probably
saved me millions in exposure to speeding tickets, etc. Another issue was the
fact that the car used more oil than gasoline. Talk about 'blow-by', the
engine was shot...and made pretty blue smoke. How did I deal with that wimpy
drive train on such a great looking car? Well, I always was more into
Presentation than Performance, and what I did was add 'fake headers' to mimic a
duel exhaust system. They looked great coming out of that extended rear deck.
I also installed a 'Smitty Glass Pack', and BINGO! The car sounded like a
screamer. I'd hold the car in low gear, working the transmission against the
engine cruising down even a slight incline...and that car sounded like it was
capable of 200-210 mph. I had lots of offers for a drag race, but always was
careful to say, "No thank you...I need to save these rear tires...".
Sad to say, I do not even have a picture of that car. I do not know what
happened to it. When I graduated from High School in 1957, young men still had
an eight year military obligation, which I decided to address. I joined the
Navy two months after graduating. I was gone for four years (Plankowner, USS
SPRINGFIELD CLG-7). Shirley Jean waited. The car didn't. I suspect my
brother Ron ended up with it, and it probably died.
Pity, but make a note that the 'Smitty Glass Pack' is a hero in this story...it
helped make me and that car appear to be more than we deserved...and I still
got Shirley Jean.
Bill Dentinger
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