In a message dated 9/12/01 5:59:31 PM !!!First Boot!!!, noji-1@pacbell.net
writes:
<< Yesterday I was mostly awe struck & numb. Today I mostly feel sadness.
As I hear about the fire fighters and police who died in service... >>
I realize this is a Datsun Roadster List but I am going to step over the line
tonight.
It is now 2am and I feel terrible. I feel angry and I feel lost and I feel
scared. But most of the time I feel numb. I feel as if I may become
emotional and then it goes away. Sometimes I dont hear the person next to me
talking. I dont know how to talk about what happened. Not to even my wife.
The morning of the tragedy I was just finishing my 24hr shift. It was early
in the morning when the PA system alerted the firehouse that there was a
terrorist attack in NYC and that we were to prepare for similar in SF. I
watched in horror as the towers were attacked and then watched them as they
fell. I as well as all others on duty were told to stay in the firehouse
until further notice.
Much was spoken in the firehouse about the incident but nothing was said
about our brothers and sisters of the NYFD and NYPD.
I spent today at home. A quiet day with my daughter. She playing and I
watching the news. Seeing my brothers and sisters battling day and night.
Many with the familiar look of denial. I didnt need to hear what happened to
the firefighters and police officers. I knew from the moment the building
collapsed. I, at that moment was with them. I too was climbing that
stairwell in the dark. I too felt the trembling. And now I too feel that I
lost something as precious as life itself.
So right now as I type this to all of you I am starting to feels less numb.
But I think I want to become numb again. But in five more hours I will be
back in the firehouse for my next 24 hour shift. Business as usual.
My name is on the roster of fightfighters to be sent to NY for mutual aide.
If we are activated I should be leaving within 24hrs. I feel a deep need to
be with my fellow firefighters.
Michael "Calspeed" Carion
SFFD Station 14
|