> For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California,
here
> is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do,
> study real hard. This is a new exam.
> Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may
> not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now
> issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles
> Metropolitan Area.
> GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
> Name: ___________________
> Stage name: ____________________
> Agent: __________________
> Attorney: _____________________
>
Sex: ___Male ___Female* ___Formerly Male ___Formerly Female ____both
> *If female, do you have implants? ___Yes
> If you chose "YES," will the size of your implants hinder your ability to
> safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
> ___No - (please fill in the date when you will be getting them)
> Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
> *If you don't own a cell phone, please explain: ________________________
> Please check hair color:
> Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
> Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
> Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
> [ ] Eating
> [ ] Applying make-up
> [ ] Talking on the phone
> [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
> [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
> [ ] Tanning
> [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
> [ ] Watching TV
> [ ] Reading Variety
> [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
> Please indicate how many times:
> a) You expect to shoot at other drivers _____
> b) How many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____
> If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
> a) Call the police to report the crime
> b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the
news
> in a high-speed chase.
> c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company
for
> 911 call not going through.
> d) Call your therapist
> e) None of the above (South Central residents only)
> In the event of an earthquake, you should:
> a) Stop your car
> b) Keep driving and hope for the best
> c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
> d ) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4
> In the instance of rain, you should:
> a) Never drive over 5 MPH
> b) Drive twice as fast as usual
> c) You're not sure what "rain" is
> Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.
> Are you presently taking any of the following medications?:
> a) Prozac
> b) Zovirax
> c) Lithium
> d) Zanax
> e) Valium
> f) Zoloft
> *If none, please explain: __________________.
> Length of daily commute:
> a) 1 hour
> b) 2 hours
> c) 3 hours
> d) 4 hours or more
> When stopped by police, you should:
> a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
> b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
> c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring
> yourself a hefty lawsuit.
> HAVE A NICE DAY AND DRIVE SAFELY
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