On Wed, 2 Jun 1999, Daniel Neuman wrote:
>
> Hello All,
>
> Okay so I admit I love my car. I gave it a name and always refer to
> it as such. I have spent countless hours/dollers on it. It is a pride and
> joy for me.. like a lot of you I am sure....
> Here is my problem...new girlfriend loves the car.. she always wants
> to go places in it and doesnt mind if its cold and thier is no top. This, I
> know, is not a problem...the problem is....SHE WANTS TO DRIVE IT!!!!! And well
> um..quite frankly..besides my mechanic and a couple of roadster friends..I
> DONT WANT TO SHARE WITH ANYONE!!!! What do I do???
> I really dig this woman..but, its my car man!!!!
The Doctor is
____
| . |
| In |
|____|
Daniel, you're touching on the core of relationships, here: vulnerability.
In the book, "Our Cars, Our Selves", Dr. Fahrvergnugen discusses the centrality
of our cars to who we are. Your girl friend, in wanting to drive your car,
may simply perceive of your car as an automobile, whereas for you, it is an
extension of yourself - something you're not ready to share yet at this stage in
your relationship.
Suggest to your girlfriend how important it is to spend time with you and your
car before letting her drive it. Suggest waxing the car together, doing repairs
together, running for parts for you - this more intimate, shared experience will
help her understand you better, and prevent the violation we so often feel when
people just jump in and drive.
When you're ready for her to drive, you'll know, and if she loves you, she'll
wait until you're ready. When you say "yes", you'll be giving of yourself, and
your relationship with her will be the fuller for your readiness and willingness
to be vulnerable.
-Dr. Freudenfahren
|