The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of
smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at
the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane
crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The
make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.
The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together
the events that led up to its demise.
It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO
(Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give
heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short
airfields.
Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world
ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the
Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the
JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off
the rocket.
The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:
The operator was driving a 1975 Bricklin. He ignited the JATO unit
approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the
location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle
quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that
speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be
pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks
under full afterburners.
The Bricklin remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles
(15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting
them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface.
The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the
cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep
in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of
bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and
bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of
the steering wheel.
Ironically, a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading "How do you
like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SH*T."
Please note: This is a true story except the car was actually a 67 Impala
(as I received this message), but a the addition of the Bricklin makes for a
better story.
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