Hello all:
Well, after two months of making payments and fantasizing, I have
brought home my cheaper version of a Honda S2000. It's a Cannondale
R600, black, so it matches perfectly little Lucy.
I still haven't thought of a name yet.
My first triathlon is this Sunday in Sacramento. What I am most thankful
for is that you only have to stop once, and thank God most roads aren't
made of hardwood. You should have seen me struggling in the bike shop
trying to figure out those clipless pedals. I've gone out on a few short
rides and have not fallen yet, but in all stopping situations I had
ample time to plan stopping in advance.
People on this list talk about all the time about their first
autocrossing experiences, and what it is that keeps them coming back.
Many people say what keeps them coming back isn't victory, but the
personal challenges.
Then there's a general feeling among some that if it's too hard, people
give up in frustration.
I think the latter might be true, for the same reason that not a lot of
people try marathons, triathlons, rock climbing, or whatever. It's the
challenge itself that draws people. If it were too easy, no one would do
it, because everyone COULD do it.
There is no way I'm going to win this triathlon. I know pretty well what
my average mile pace is in running for example, and I know that there
are many runners faster than I am. Maybe, with more experience and
practice, I'll get closer, but there are people with much more aerobic
capacity, much more talent, and much greater pain tolerance than I, and
I know that I can't even compare myself to them, probably ever.
Yet, what is it about these events that draw thousands of people, most
of whom have no chance in winning? If you can hold an 8 minute mile
pace, and you know the winner will probably hold six minute miles (is
that even possible?), do you think, "Well, maybe THIS time I'll do it?"
Probably not. Maybe you try to hold 7:55s. The idea of success becomes
entirely personal. And that's what excites me. I confess that in
autocrossing, I get too caught up in the competition. Part of it is just
part of the game. The only way to gauge your performance is to compare
yourself to others. But then there comes a time when you can go too far.
Someone beats you who normally doesn't, and you get depressed about it.
There is such a fine line between knowing that you can win, and finding
the strength to let yourself do it, and beating yourself up so much that
you CAN'T win.
Sometimes, I also have a hard time being around autocrossers. I work
really hard not to become too consumed, to find the positives, and yet
there's always that SOMEONE who says, "Oh, you were a second and a half
behind Andy McKee? Ouch."
They missed the part when I said I was happy about that. Sometimes, they
can't understand why I would be happy about that, because to be happy
with LOSING, as they see it, means I'm content with being a loser. I
don't see it that way at all. I'm trying to learn how to drive better,
and that's a process, and I'm just slowly trying to put it all together,
and I'm trying to keep my expectations realistic. There are things I do
well, and things I can improve, and every event is a chance to work on
that. But as of late, the challenge for me comes not just in driving,
but in finding the inner-know-how to just let that stuff roll off of me
which is quite prevalent in autocrossing. My ability to do roll with the
punches has deteriorated over the years. Or maybe it would be better to
say my ability to roll with the punches has become more painfully
EXPOSED.
Look at all the stuff you can learn by autocrossing!
But anyway, I don't care. I love my new bike. So, it's time to engage in
an equally addictive activity, something completely new and exciting, to
give myself some balance. Something else I really admired about E.J. was
that from her, I learned it really never is too late to have a happy
childhood. So, this time, I get to swim and bike and run, and do all the
things I used to do in the summer when I was a kid with too much energy
and life was so much fun.
And then, I'll come to the next autocross, just to have some balance.
Wish me luck!
Katie Kelly
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