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FW: A/X in Italy! - or - What's Bret been up to lately?

To: autox@autox.team.net
Subject: FW: A/X in Italy! - or - What's Bret been up to lately?
From: "joe goeke" <joe_goeke@hotmail.com>
Date: Thu, 01 Apr 2004 23:10:02 +0000
Thought all would enjoy this.
---JHG
425-442-4617

>From: "Bret Dodson" <bret@serv.net>
>To: nwautox@wwscc.org
>
>Hi Gang!  Greetings from Italy!
>
>Thought I'd take a chance to check in with all my autocross friends in the
>Northwest.  Wish I could go to Yakima, but I'll racing up in Carrara (you
>know, where all the marble comes from) in "Campionato di Corsa Solo a
>Carrara".  It's part of "Campione di Corsa Solo", an autocross series I'm
>running from here in Viareggio (We're on the coast by Pisa).
>
>Italy?  How'd Bret get to Italy?  As some of you know, my parents retired
>and moved to Viareggio to pursue a wine import business (they sell
>high-end California wines to high-end Italian restaurants - yeah, I know,
>it's kinda like selling ice to Eskimos).  Anyway, they've been doing okay
>with this venture - mostly covering living expenses and hanging out with
>cool wine and food people.  My wife and daughter and I have been enjoying
>frequent trips to visit 'Nonno' and 'Nonna'.  (Me more frequently due to
>the dot-com time dividend I've been granted a couple times now).  It's
>been a great couple of years; I've made some really good friends.  I even
>won an old Fiat Punto GT to bomb around in - big fun, think Italian GTI
>turbo only nowehere near as nice - the PO put on a noisy blow-off valve
>that garners 'mad propz' from the ricers over here - sheesh you can't
>escape that stuff.
>
>Background for all you folks wondering 'Who is this guy, and why should I
>care'?:  I'm the guy with the cone hat whom you may have seen puttering
>around at random events over that past couple years.  I used to be an
>autocross fixture around there.  I've always been a bit of an extrovert
>and built a reputation for myself, not necessarily as a great driver, but
>more of a sort of NW autocross "class clown".  Same thing is happening
>over here too, go figure.
>
>Over the past couple years I've been telling my Italian car-guy friends
>about the solo2 events in the States - they are jealous to have the cahnce
>to race cheaply (hence my a/x series).  Track events are a bit pricey for
>the common Italiano.  Furthermore, the average enthusiast vehicle in Italy
>just really isn't that much fun to drive on a big track - read: they're
>slow.  Don't get me wrong, Imola is every bit as much fun to drive as you
>would imagine, just not in the average working hotrodder's 900cc buzz
>bomb.  My friend Gianni's Delta Integrale on the other hand...  (I *love*
>that car, no really, we're bonded in a special way - it never sleeps
>lonely).
>
>Anyway, about a year ago Gianni (who was then just one of the guys at il
>Bar where I watch F1) got sick of hearing how cool it was doing Solo 2
>(which means "only two" in Italian) in parking lots in the States and
>started going off on how crappy all the "piloti Americani" are and that
>any Italian could go to the States and kick our butts in our little "Only
>two" series.  All the regazzi laughed at this and there was much
>jingoistic Italianissimo BS going on at my expense.  Being the idiot that
>I am, I called Gianni out; offering him the choice to be beaten by my
>parents' diesel Peugeot 307 or to be beaten in his own car (never say
>"Vincerr in vostro car" to an Italian) in an "only two" race.  After much
>screaming (fueled by copious amounts of grappa and vino sfuso), we
>determined that this would be an American-style "only two" race - tight
>turns, low speeds, all skill to determine just how awful we drive in the
>States.  Yep, an autocross grudge match.
>
>The following weekend, a group of us met outside il Bar early Saturday
>morning and caravaned up to Gianni's workplace in Carrara where we would
>build a course and race "only two".  Yes, I was a little afraid of going
>off into the mountains with a group of guys I had been insulting the week
>before.  I had to; I couldn't show my face in town ever again if I
>chickened out.  This thing had escalated from a bar argument into
>something much more serious.
>
>I didn't realize at the time that Gianni is a big shot marble distributor.
>  He has a huge "stone yard" where marble is stored and loaded onto trucks
>for shipment.  This yard is made of smooth cement and is about as big as
>the old Kent lot (e.g. Bremerton in length - but it's a square lot).
>Gianni's crew had moved all the trucks offsite on Friday and run the
>street sweeper around for a few hours, cleaning things up.  We had more
>than enough space for a decent course.  (It's big enough to run an NT
>there.)
>
>This was where I called on the regazzi to help me devise a course on which
>we would all drive (I explained that if *any* Italian could beat an
>American Piloto, that this collection of guys could certainly all beat a
>computer geek from Seattle).  We walked the site and determined the outer
>boundaries - e.g. I'm not driving there, it's too close to the crane.
>
>Since we were using garbage cans and marble garden columns (don't ask -
>they're small) for cones, I set up an easy course.  I didn't want to hurt
>anything or anyone.  It was a simple down-and-back kind of course with a
>long-ish slalom, a garbage can Chicago Box, and a couple of "tricky"
>turnarounds.  The first "tricky turnaround" was an optional pin turn
>(using a beautiful brownish-orange Carrara Marble garden column), the
>other was a pair of 90 degree boxes placed wide enough that a speed
>maintenance driver would fly through in a continuous arc (okay, so maybe
>that one was a bit of a 'ringer').
>
>Once the course was done, the guys started talking about taking some
>practice laps, and how badly I was going to be burned (Nella bocca del
>lupo).  I called a quick end to that, essentially saying that "practice
>laps" are for wussies - some of the real fast piloti lay down their best
>times on the first lap.
>
>This led to a heated debate that I was more familiar with this sort of
>thing and that they were at a disadvantage due to unfamiliarity with the
>concept.  I was starting to get a little cocky.  I pulled out my
>handkerchief and threw it at the loudest guy (he's a lawyer or something,
>and was there with his then new 156GTA).  I cleared my throat and
>forcefully meant to say "Is this why there are no good Italian racers
>anymore?  You're all babies!".  My Italian is bad, so I think it came out
>as "You babies are the best Italian racers?" or maybe "Babies are better
>than you Italian racers".  Needless to say, it pissed them off and further
>screaming ensued (the lawyer turned a brighter red than his Alfa).  I
>think one of the younger guys called me a "bee-yotch" (he was there in a
>ground effects clad Fiat Uno).  I threw up my hands and walked to the 307
>- calling over my shoulder, "Schumacher wouldn't practice - oh yeah,
>that's right he's German!"
>
>Over the cursing and posturing, I asked my daughter to hop out of the car
>and run the timing stopwatch (and to keep the babies off course).  Over
>all this drama she had blithely sat in the Pug listening to her MP3
>player.
>
>I started the Pug and rattled up to the start columns (a 90 degree start
>box leading into the slalom - these columns were a fabulous green marble).
>  I asked, more in jest than anything else, "What do I get when I beat you,
>Gianni!".  He sidled up to the Pug (actually not a bad car - tons of
>torque) and laughed that if I, driving a diesel Peugeot that he regularly
>considers a rolling chicane on the super strada, could beat him, he would
>give me his modified Punto GT.
>
>Being an experienced autocrosser in his element I "schooled" this group of
>enthusiasts, won the Punto GT as well as some cool swag from the other
>guys by going 'heads up' in their cars.  This thing turned into a fun
>novice school cum track day.  Only two columns were broken with
>surprisingly little damage to cars (the Uno shattered some ground
>effects).
>
>We've since replaced the columns with real "coni di traffico" and are
>using an acucross timing setup to run out events.  Where things get
>interesting is that we aren't running in classes.  We're doing straight
>'grudge match' style autocrossing, complete with betting.
>
>I've recently started throwing out challenges with some success.  "We will
>drive your car - the winner gets 1 euro for each tenth of a second in the
>margin of victory."  This is becoming very popular, I've won more money
>doing this a couple times a month than I've made consulting for months at
>a time in Italia.
>
>It's been quite a fun couple of years.  If anyone is ever vacationing in
>Italy, send me some mail and we'll see if we can't get you to an event.
>My Punto has been seeing some good use in our "common car challenge" style
>event (sfida comune dell'automobile) and is open to any Northwest
>autocrosser.
>
>Also, we're about to spread our series to some other regions of Italy
>(Milano and Roma) and are looking for some assistance.  Does anyone out in
>autocross-land know of any experienced solo 2 event chair sorts that might
>be interested in a job in Italia?  We could relly use the help.
>
>Check out our site for pictures, event schedules and results!
>
>http://www.Sciocco_Di_Aprile.it
>
>Bret "Loof Lirpa" Dodson
>'95 Punto GT <-- 1.8 bar
>

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