10 Days to the Meridian Tour!

["Steven Volpp" <volpp@netdoor.com>]

If you are traveling to Meridian, like all the cool AutoXer's  are,  you
will find that Mississippi is the birthplace of the blues.  While other
places influenced it, and it may now be more prevalent in other areas, it
started here.  Question that, and someone with "Stars and Bars" on his
license plate (called a "tag" down here, I do no know why) will kick your
ass.

With that in mind, I thought I would do a favor to all of those attending
the event and provide the following instructions:





HOW TO SING THE BLUES


                                                     1.Most blues begin
"woke up this morning." 
                                                     2."I got a good woman"
is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you
                                                        stick something bad
in the next line. 

                                                        Example: "I got a
good woman-- with the meanest dog in town." 

                                                     3.Blues are simple.
After you have the first line right, repeat it.
                                                        Then find something
that rhymes. Sort of.

                                                        Example: "Got a good
woman with the meanest dog in town. He got
                                                        teeth like Margaret
Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds."

                                                     4.The blues are not
about limitless choice. 

                                                     5.Teenagers can't sing
the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues
                                                        adulthood means old
enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a
                                                        man in Memphis. 
                                                     6.You can have the
blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or
                                                        Queens. Hard times
in Vermont or North Dakota are just depression.
                                                        Chicago, St.Louis ,
Kansas City, and Mississippi are still the best places to have
                                                        the blues. 
                                                     7.The following colors
do not belong in the blues: 
                                                               violet 
                                                               beige 
                                                               mauve 
                                                               pink 
                                                     8.You can't have the
blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting
                                                        is wrong. 
                                                     9.Good places for the
Blues: 
                                                               the highway 
                                                               the jailhouse

                                                               the empty bed

                                                               the
unemployment office 
                                                    10.Bad places: 
                                                               ashrams 
                                                               Gallery
openings 
                                                               weekend in
the Hamptons 
                                                               the country
club 
                                                    11.No one will believe
it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you
                                                        happen to be an old
black man. 
                                                    12.Do you have the right
to sing the blues?

                                                        Yes if: 
                                                               your first
name is a southern state -- like Alabama or Texas 
                                                               you're blind 
                                                               you shot a
man in Memphis 
                                                               you can't be
satisfied 

                                                        No if: 
                                                               you were once
blind but now can see. 
                                                               you're deaf
instead of blind 
                                                               you have a
trust fund 

                                                    13.Neither Julio
Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues. 
                                                    14.If you ask for water
and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.

                                                        Other blues
beverages are: 
                                                               wine 
                                                               whiskey 
                                                               muddy water 
                                                        Blues beverages are
NOT: 
                                                               Any mixed
drink 
                                                               Any wine
kosher for Passover 
                                                               Yoo Hoo (all
flavors) 
                                                    15.Blues cars are
Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues
                                                        transportation is
Greyhound bus or a southbound train. 
                                                        Walkin' plays a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to
                                                        die. 
                                                    16.If it occurs in a
cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death.
                                                        Stabbed in the back
by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the
                                                        electric chair,
substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an
                                                        emergency room. It
is not a blues death, if you die during a
                                                        liposuction
treatment. 
                                                    17.Some Blues names for
Women 
                                                               Sadie 
                                                               Big Mama 
                                                               Bessie 
                                                    18.Some Blues Names for
Men 
                                                               Joe 
                                                               Willie 
                                                               Little Willie

                                                               Little Willie
Joe
                                                               Lightning 
                                                    19.Persons with names
like Sunshine or Sequoia will not be permitted to
                                                        sing the blues no
matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. 



Today's Meridian Tour work tip:

If you are sitting at your desk, bored and just waiting come to Meridian, at
lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to
see if they slow down. 

Today's Meridian Tour travel tip:

If you get pulled over on the way down, when the Officer says "Gee
Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You should respond with,
"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" 

Today's Meridian Weather Forecast:

Thursday Feb 22, Evolution school day, Sunny, High of 61 low of 41.