Too funny!!!!!!!!
Mike B. TLS#1
KWall73108@aol.com wrote:
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> Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 18:27:13 -0600
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> To: z-car@taex001.tamu.edu
> From: "John Coffey" <johncof@veriomail.com>
> Subject: <race> Prepare for Next Year's Autox Season
> Sender: owner-z-car@taex001.tamu.edu
> Precedence: bulk
>
> The 2000 Autocross season is fast approaching. Here are 30 things you can
> do now to get ready for it:
>
> 1. Put on clothes you would typically wear on a hot day. Run in place,
> in your shower, with cold water cascading down on you, and sporadically bend
> over and pick up something. Do this for 1 hour.
>
> 2. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray
> blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into
> your clothes.
>
> 4. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 5. Put on clothes you would typically wear on a cold day. Go to a
> steel plant and run in place next to the smelter and sporadically bend over
> and pick something up. Do this for 1 hour.
>
> 6. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 7. Got to a tanning salon and get a good sunburn on your face. Then,
> put your face in front of a fan, turn the fan on, and throw sand into the
> back of it.
>
> 8. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 9. Crawl under your car and sporadically drop nuts and bolts, hot oil,
> grease, and old rubber hoses on your face. Scrape a hose clamp across your
> knuckles.
>
> 10. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 11. Pour oil and anti-freeze all over your body, put sunscreen in your
> eyes, and stand in the sun for 1 hour.
>
> 12. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 13. Don't drink any liquid for 12 hours. Then quickly drink 4 cans of
> beer.
>
> 14. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 15. Drink 3 cups of coffee and wait 6 hours before going to the bathroom
> at the worst gas station you can find.
>
> 16. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 17. Push your car up and down the block 3 times wearing your helmet with
> the visor down.
>
> 18. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 19. Find a highway construction area and run over every orange cone you
> can see. Then get out, walk back, and put every cone back in its place
> while arguing with each construction worker you encounter.
>
> 20. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 21. Get up at 4:00am and drive in heavy traffic for five hours -
> anywhere - towing your race car.
>
> 22. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 23. Push a small bucket over your head before you go to bed each night.
>
> 24. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 25. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the
> lenses. Sporadically pop one of the lenses out and scrape it on the ground.
>
> 26. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 27. Buy a new pair of driving gloves or shoes and immediately throw one
> away.
>
> 28. Throw $25 away right now (SCCA members throw away $20).
>
> 29. Slam your thumb in a car door. Take a short length of 2" round pipe
> and bash yourself in the head with it. Run over your foot with your car.
> Periodically stumble and fall.
>
> 30. Repeat all of the above every Sunday until it's time for the real
> thing.
>
> ----------
> John Coffey
> johncof@veriomail.com
>
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