Actually, in all seriousness, I'm not joking here, really I wouldn't do
that. But I can't sit on this information any longer. This development
is enough to make me consider changing cars!
Cooper Tires is developing a special "Solo 2 compound tire marketed
specifically at the 18" and up fitment niche".
This top secret memo was supplied to me by special operatives working
undercover at the Cooper proving Grounds in Asia:
To: J. Upton Kornhacker - Marketing Manager - Special Projects
From: Horace Fleenbasher - Motorsports
RE: Positioning of Cooper within the racing community
The Motorsports department has been instructed to cease all work on the
development of competition tires for motorized barstools, beer kegs and
articulated busses. The monies budgeted to these activities will be
redirected to the Solo project. Particularly the 18" diameter and up
wheel sizes. R&D has produced a number of prototype tires that have been
undergoing rigorous testing in North-Central Asia. The results of these
tests are quite positive. The Cooper Climax Solo1 type R has proven
itself to perform at a comparable level to the leading offerings from our
competition. We are certain that with a strong contingency program,
Cooper Tire will succesfully infiltrate the SOLO community, quickly
becoming the tire of choice for owners of the most exotic and fastest cars
on the planet. We will continue with the full production and marketing
effort currently underway for the motorized racing toilet segment.
"Flush the Competiton with Cooper"
I don't know about you, but with Cooper's proven track record inthe bar
stool and toilet racing community, I'm frightened about the potential for
dominance in our sport. I'm considering the possibility of thining about
drafting a letter to the SEB cautioning them of this potential for a new
tire juggernaut upsetting the delicate balance we currently have in our
community.
Be afraid, be very very very very very very very afraid...
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