My sister in law sent me this and I can't decide if it's funny or not, what
do you think Anne?
>>Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions
>>
>> Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
>> humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
>>problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the
>>solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
>>
>>
>>(By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
>>accident).
>>
>> P = The problem logged by the pilot.
>> S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
>>
>> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>
>> P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
>> S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>> P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
>>S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack
>>normal seepage.
>>
>> P: Something loose in cockpit.
>> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>
>> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>> S: Live bugs on backorder.
>>
>> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
>> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>> S: Evidence removed.
>>
>> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>> S: That's what they're there for!
>>
>> P: IFF inoperative.
>> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>> P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
>> S: Suspect you're right.
>>
>> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>> P: Aircraft handles funny.
>> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>>
>> P: Target radar hums.
>> S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
>>
>> P: Mouse in cockpit.
>> S: Cat installed.
>>
ritchie@mcn.org
Armand Ritchie
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